Funny Words today....Hit me to the core .....

A friend of mine shared this with myself and few more co-workers, and I was literally a few feet from the floor laughing so hard, Now I want to warn you ahead of time, it has a few ugly words in it, but read through it.  This is my true story....(lol)....

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep adiary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh,,,   See I told you, you would be laughing........ Now please go and like this and share it.... with others
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Decluttering

As I began my "Finish List" I realized that one of the 1st things that needs to happen is. This household needs to be decluttered.  With that being said, I am putting that to be my 1st task on my list. Now will I complete that immediately, well no because it took some time to get to the place where it is now, but I am making it a priority.

"Finish List"

* Declutter the house  ---- room by room
* Sort through the many items that are needing to be given away, and discard them before I have the thought" oh I might need that one day"  No give it away...
* Clean up my shop and go through the totes, organize, donate, keep or put up where they need to go
* Bring out the beads and finish up the jewelry that has been started and not completed.  This might actually be good, I will be ahead of the game and be able to create some Christmas gifts for 2012.
* Finish the quilts that I have started, 4 to be exact....
*blog on a weekly basis, if not more than that
*Post some coupon deals for my friends, that are really good on "my favorite deals page"
* crochet a few hats that I have been intending to make to give away to the veterans groups
*start crocheting small angel ornaments to give to the nursing home for their country store so that they will be able to make a little revenue from them to help with the residents activities. I have been wanting to do this for a while now
*Start my sewing projects for my etsy store that I'm wanting to open up
* learn to organize my time for better
* learn to make lists to better myself with the activities, tasks that I need to focus on
*make time to walk more often
* find time to volunteer more often
*Read more books on my kindle
*download more music to my mp3 player
*Create my cookbook with my mothers favorite recipes
*Finish up the series of Bypass options
*Post more recipes for smoothies, soups, etc, that are healthy
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I'm sure I have more things to add to my Finish List however, I'll leave them open for now and as I finish a few Perhaps I can add more that I have thought of to complete.

Well I'll go for now, I hope everyone has had a good year so far.  Working on their finish list..... Please let me know if you have created a "finish List" of your own, I would love for you to share some of your ideas., tasks you look forward to completing...

Tah Tah for now.
Lisa

Happy New Year 2012!!!!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!!!.  May this be the best year you have had in a while.  I'm going to start by taking some advice that one of my bloggers suggested.  Make this the year to finish things you have started. 
A bucket list so to speak.  So I started it off right.  I made a trip that I have needed to take for 3 years.  I want to say that I have 1 mission accomplished.  Many more to come. I want to thank each and everyone of my followers/friends for sticking  by me.  I've been in a bit of a rut for a while.  However, I'm going to be putting on my list a "to be finished"  Tasks that I have started and not completed.  Hopefully together we can do this together.  So with that being said.  Please take a moment to reminisce on projects you have started and needed to have completed and haven't and maybe we can get it accomplished together.

I'll be back in a day or so.  This will be one of my many "to be finished" tasks,  To come back more often, hold myself accountable......

tah tah for now. I love you.. And wish the very best of 2012 to you.....