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Thursday, October 4, 2012

Thankful Thursday!!!!!!

As my dad used to say, my feet have hit the floor and I'm above ground, Another day to be thankful for.. And so with that being said, Being thursday and all.... Its a busy day for me, I'm very grateful. On facebook I am in a group for bariatric support and a few days ago, once of the ladies, felt like sharing a story. And I have asked for permission to share it with my friends.  So having been out of the loop for a while, I'll kick it back into gear with a little laughter to make your day...... I'll be back again... Let's get this party back on track,,,,,


JUL 12 THE FART THAT (ALMOST) ALTERED MY DESTINY

Written by Anna.

Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).

It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.

He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.

We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?

That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.
On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …

My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.

The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.

“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.

“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”

How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?

Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced it’s way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.

Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).

“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.

“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”

“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.

“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.

It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.
Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.

We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.

He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.

I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.

Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.

“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”

“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.
“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*
“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”

“Okay, are you sure you’re …”

“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”

This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!

Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.

But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s laying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.
 Now,  Are you laughing??/???  as hard as I was when I first read it,... Well anyone especially my friends that have had surgery can really relate..... Tah Tah for now.... Enjoy your day..... I have missed you....
Lisa
 

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Post card Giveaway Coming Soon

I've been asked to host a Postcard giveaway. (100) postcards, Giveaway details coming soon.  This is awesome, I'm so excited. Its through Print Runner , Please check back soon.

Tah Tah For Now.
Lisa

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Superpoints Invite

Are you wanting to work on Christmas 2012?  You can work on it by spinning and collecting points on Superpoints.com,  here Is a referral, if you would like to get started, Just copy and paste the link into your browser.  When you win I win.  Then you can start referring friends and when they win you also win.  Its a lot of fun, I'm working on enough points to bank for Amazon for some music, or a few more goodies, that will be rolling around soon. That will go on sale.

Tah Tah for now.
Lisa
:)

 http://superpoints.com/refer/shopping2scale

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Funny Words today....Hit me to the core .....

A friend of mine shared this with myself and few more co-workers, and I was literally a few feet from the floor laughing so hard, Now I want to warn you ahead of time, it has a few ugly words in it, but read through it.  This is my true story....(lol)....

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep adiary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Send this to a friend who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh,,,   See I told you, you would be laughing........ Now please go and like this and share it.... with others

________________________________________
 

Monday, January 23, 2012

Decluttering

As I began my "Finish List" I realized that one of the 1st things that needs to happen is. This household needs to be decluttered.  With that being said, I am putting that to be my 1st task on my list. Now will I complete that immediately, well no because it took some time to get to the place where it is now, but I am making it a priority.

"Finish List"

* Declutter the house  ---- room by room
* Sort through the many items that are needing to be given away, and discard them before I have the thought" oh I might need that one day"  No give it away...
* Clean up my shop and go through the totes, organize, donate, keep or put up where they need to go
* Bring out the beads and finish up the jewelry that has been started and not completed.  This might actually be good, I will be ahead of the game and be able to create some Christmas gifts for 2012.
* Finish the quilts that I have started, 4 to be exact....
*blog on a weekly basis, if not more than that
*Post some coupon deals for my friends, that are really good on "my favorite deals page"
* crochet a few hats that I have been intending to make to give away to the veterans groups
*start crocheting small angel ornaments to give to the nursing home for their country store so that they will be able to make a little revenue from them to help with the residents activities. I have been wanting to do this for a while now
*Start my sewing projects for my etsy store that I'm wanting to open up
* learn to organize my time for better
* learn to make lists to better myself with the activities, tasks that I need to focus on
*make time to walk more often
* find time to volunteer more often
*Read more books on my kindle
*download more music to my mp3 player
*Create my cookbook with my mothers favorite recipes
*Finish up the series of Bypass options
*Post more recipes for smoothies, soups, etc, that are healthy
*
*
*
*
*

I'm sure I have more things to add to my Finish List however, I'll leave them open for now and as I finish a few Perhaps I can add more that I have thought of to complete.

Well I'll go for now, I hope everyone has had a good year so far.  Working on their finish list..... Please let me know if you have created a "finish List" of your own, I would love for you to share some of your ideas., tasks you look forward to completing...

Tah Tah for now.
Lisa

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year 2012!!!!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!!!.  May this be the best year you have had in a while.  I'm going to start by taking some advice that one of my bloggers suggested.  Make this the year to finish things you have started. 
A bucket list so to speak.  So I started it off right.  I made a trip that I have needed to take for 3 years.  I want to say that I have 1 mission accomplished.  Many more to come. I want to thank each and everyone of my followers/friends for sticking  by me.  I've been in a bit of a rut for a while.  However, I'm going to be putting on my list a "to be finished"  Tasks that I have started and not completed.  Hopefully together we can do this together.  So with that being said.  Please take a moment to reminisce on projects you have started and needed to have completed and haven't and maybe we can get it accomplished together.

I'll be back in a day or so.  This will be one of my many "to be finished" tasks,  To come back more often, hold myself accountable......

tah tah for now. I love you.. And wish the very best of 2012 to you.....

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Recognition Day!!!!

Deciding to write or not to write about the Recognition day... So Here it is.  I've decided tooooo.... And I feel a little better. How it came about... My friend that I worked with and grew to love as if he was my family was so distinguished.  This man was a well know author. Having been through the military himself, being a owner of a Newspaper and becoming an author after retiring doing what he loved. He and his wife picked the town of Cleveland Tn. To lay down their final roots in. 

We met in the most unusual way. I was a receptionist/clerk at the job that I'm at now. I knew who this man was, due to my dad being in the military and having done a little research for my dad. And also about that time my friend having had his book being turned into a Best Selling Movie.  He walked in to visit one of the ladies that was helping him to promote the beginning of the premier that was to become a part of our towns history. She was the mayor wife.

As I contacted his acquaintance that he was to meet we began to chat and I mentioned that I admired him for writing about his experiences and having them published for our future children and their children and mentioned my dad, as well as him being a Korean War Veteran. In those few minutes that we spoke before his acquaintance arrived, I just didn't know it but this had began our friendship.  He would continue to come in on occasion. Then I moved into a different position in a different building and lost contact with him for about 8 months. 

One day while I was making a trip over to the building he was sitting in the lobby waiting on his friend.  I stopped and spoke with him and gave him a hug.  He was so tickled to see me as I was to see him. That afternoon, while I was checking my mailbox at work. There was a card, when I opened it up. It read " It was so good to see you today, I have missed your smiling face at the front desk, I'll keep in touch."  Well now that just brightened my day.

A week or 2 went by and I hadn't heard from him and I was  helping on a service project here in town Tunes for the troops we were at the post office to help unload the boxes for shipping. While unloading I saw the Red Cadillac that he drove pull up to drop off mail.  I excused myself from the unloading process for a moment to jump down and stop my friend and speak to him giving him a hug.  He was thrilled to see me and ask about what I was doing. And I explained.  Well now he says.  I knew there was something special that we had in common besides your dad's military experience.  We chatted a moment, and I got back to work finishing the other crew with the unloading process.

On the following Monday, there was another letter in my mailbox. Saying how good it was to see me and that I had made his day, to stop what I was doing just to say hi. That day forward he began to send me notes asking for a little help in some research that he was doing, he didn't tell me what he was doing. And I have always been one to not pry.   Then one day he asked, I could really use some help with some typesetting on a project.  At the time, I didn't even know what typesetting was... I know now.  The rest to come......

Checking on when his birthday was,  he told me he no longer has birthdays, he has recognition days.... It took me running into one of his friends at the post office one day to find out when his recognition day was.  And it was only a few days away... so I came home and made him a homemade birthday card, with the cover on it being one of his books, I preceded to write a message on the inside of why this was such a special day. I stamped it with a doggy print and a birthday message, that read:

To my special friend William B. Breuer, In Recognition of your special day...

Love always your friend
Mona Lisa


Rest in peace my friend, I love and miss you....He was the author of 41 published books, And the block buster seller "The Great Raid"....